Saturday 28 November 2015

Christmas Carols


Attention all carol singers

In the lead-up to the festive season, readers’ attention is drawn to official advice warning carol singers and spectators to be aware of potential dangers.  
Here below are four festive musical favourites.  Please join in and sing along.


While Shepherds Watched

While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around

Guidance notes:

The union of Shepherd's has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided.  As a result, benches stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available.

Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.

Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.


Jingle Bells

Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way

Guidance notes:

A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public.
The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions.
Please note that permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields.
To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

Little Donkey

Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load.

Guidance notes:

The RSPCA has issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four-hour plodding period.

Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear facemasks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles.

The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey.
To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows

Guidance notes:

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer.

Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.


©Michael McSorley 2015

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